Roach Pulls Off El Chapo-like Escape

TAMPA, FL – Scurrying through a flurry of flip-flops, kitchen utensils and what law officials believe to be the urn of a loved one, a local cockroach is still at large after managing to dodge all of local woman Lisa Donahue’s attempts to end its life.

“One minute I’m in the kitchen preparing dinner, the next I’m I’m throwing my shoe across the room, wildly swinging a magazine…I even tried salad tongs at one point,” said Donahue.   Donahue stated that the cockroach bolted for the drain after performing what appeared to be a triple axle dissent into the abyss. “I should have called Turner Pest Control,” she added.

Local police are working round the clock to find the suspect in question, who they believe may have ties to gangs within the area, notorious for frightening unsuspecting homeowners.  Fortunately, Donohue was able to get a good look at the suspect. Unfortunately, it’s a cockroach.