Daily Antennae

Jacksonville Termites banned from college basketball tournament after eating court.

JACKSONVILLE, FL – A shocking turn of events took place last night during the first round of the College Bugsketball Turner-ment.  8th seed Jacksonville Termites have been disqualified for eating away a section of the court. When asked about the incident, head coach, Timmy Terminitis, had these remarks.   “I wish I could say that I didn’t see this coming.  I’ve been petitioning for months that the league look…

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Local Man Hoping Strongly Worded Sanctions Will Solve Termite Problem

OCALA, FL – Fed up with termites devouring the infrastructure of his home at an increasingly rapid rate, Ocala native Josh McGriffith has decided to try a popular tactic in international politics to solve his infestation problem. “I’ve seen world leaders issue sanctions to solve their problems, so I figured why not give it a…

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Roach Pulls Off El Chapo-like Escape

TAMPA, FL – Scurrying through a flurry of flip-flops, kitchen utensils and what law officials believe to be the urn of a loved one, a local cockroach is still at large after managing to dodge all of local woman Lisa Donahue’s attempts to end its life. “One minute I’m in the kitchen preparing dinner, the…

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